Beauty and the Homestuck
by Maxria
Summary: I was just bored one night while watching Beauty and the Beast, so I decided to write a Homestuck version of it. I do realize I suck when it comes to Homestuck related parodies, but what ever. Some terms used may be used in the wrong way. Sorry for that.


Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young grub lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired (despite his spot on the hemospectrum), the grub was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

But then, one winter's night, an old woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the troll sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress with skin as white as snow.

The young troll tried to apologize, but it was too late. She had seen that there was no love in his heart. As punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a pair of red and blue glasses as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his sixteenth year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken, If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast?

Early one morning, a peasant troll walked over to her village in hopes to find something new. The usual happened, of course. The baker would walk with his tray full of baked goods and all the trolls would try to haggle with the shop keepers.

This girl went her way through the village, not noticing the people staring at her. She couldn't really put her finger on it, why they would just stare. Well she was beautiful of course! However, she was different than the rest. She liked to be daring and learn about new things. In her village, these things were looked down upon. This is why she gets the funny looks when she enters the bookstore every day.

When she entered, the shop keeper had no new books to let her borrow. She was fine with it. The young troll eventually picked up a copy of "Cindertrolla" and asked to borrow it. The shop keeper was surprised. She already read the book twice! She didn't care. She loved the story about a peasant girl pretending to be of a higher status to be with a prince for just one night. She liked it so much, she got to keep the book! The young girl thanked the man as she stepped out of the shop, not knowing there were a few guys staring through the window.

She walked proudly with her new book. She read it while walking, a task in which she knows how to do well because she has down this so many times already. Meanwhile, she catches the attention of a muscular troll and his morail, Nepeta, who was holding the duck he shot with his now broken bow.

"Wow, Equius! What a shot!" the cute cat-like girl said.

"I was lucky I even got to use the bow this time." He was lucky. He was so strong he usually broke the bows he used before he even got a chance to fire an arrow. Sometimes strength comes at a price.

Nepeta noticed her morail was staring at something. What could it be? She asked him, "What are you staring at, Equius?" He responded with a love struck voice, "At the girl over there. She's going to be my matesprit soon!"

"Equius, why would you want to be with Aradia? Isn't she a peasant girl?"

"Yes, but she is still the most beautiful troll in the village other than me. She is the best! And don't I deserve the best?" Nepeta purred and said, "Yes, you deserve purrfection! But-"

"Come on!" Equius started dragging Nepeta towards Aradia, who became out of reach when a crowd started forming. They were all talking about how she likes to read and talk about adventures. Not pleased by this, Equius decided to take a short cut. Nepeta ran for the roof tops so she can meet him where he was going.

Aradia continued reading the book until a figure jumped out in front of her. He said, "Hello Aradia," in the coolest voice anyone could think of. He was sweating for some reason. It's not even hot out at this time of year!

"Why, hello Equius." Before she could finish her sentence, her book was taken away by the love struck sweat machine. "Equius, could you give me my book back?" He flipped through the pages in disgust.

"How can you read this? There are no pictures!" Apparently he wanted pictures with this book.

"You have to use your imagination!" Aradia tried to get the book from him, but Equius was just too tall, plus he kept on moving it away from her. He eventually tossed the book into a puddle and told her it's not normal for girls like her to read.

Nepeta came down from the rooftops as Aradia got her book back and told them she had to go back to the hive and see how her lusus is doing. The cat girl laughed saying, "You mean that crrrazy old loon?" Nepeta and Equius just laughed at the idea. Aradia shouted back, "She's not crazy!"

Just as she said that, something exploded near her hive. She ran towards there, and she could hear those two laugh their heads off in the distance.

The next day, Aradia's lusus had to go somewhere, but promised to be back in a week. She sat at the table, reading her book. Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. Who could it be? Oh no, not Equius! She feared what would happen as he stepped inside.

"Aradia, this is the day-"He paused, checked his broken teeth in the mirror, and continued, "This is the day your dreams come true!" She was probably the most confused troll in the universe. What dream would that be? Of adventure, she hoped. However, Equius went on about the future as he sweated over her book. Finally, he got to the point and asked her to be his matesprit. Inside, she was so disgusted. However, she made it seem like she was flattered. "I don't know what to say," was all that could come out of her mouth. She went towards the door, acting as if she were to faint, and Equius stepped closer. As he leaned in for a kiss, Aradia said, "I'm sorry, I just don't deserve you." She opened the door and Equius fell into a mud pit outside. How ironic.

A while later, she went through the back door and out towards the hill. It was a beautiful sigh there. She could just sit there and relax. However, she wished for adventure far away from her village. She picked off petals of a flower while thinking of her wish, as if it were a way to make it come true. Soon enough, her lusus's muscle beast ran towards her. Aradia's lusus was gone. She got worried and went out searching for her.

When evening fell, Aradia and the muscle beast found a castle, deep in the creepy forest. She entered and searched for her lusus everywhere. No luck. Then a glow appeared in the corner of her eyes. She saw a light go up a staircase. No one was there, but then she heard her lusus, and saw that it was locked up in a prison cell. Aradia didn't know what to do, and by the time her lusus warned her to go, it was too late. The master of the castle already saw her.

"What are you doing here?" the mysterious figure growled at the poor young troll.

"Please, let my lusus go! I'll do anything!" The man didn't listen. He was going to do something, but then Aradia thought of a deal. "Take me instead!"

"YOU?" He seemed amused at first, "You would, take its place?" The man was then shocked at the young girl. What bravery.

"If I did," said Aradia, trying to hold back tears, "would you let her go?"

"Yes." Aradia wasn't sure. Maybe if he would step forward a little.

"Come into the light," she demanded. The figure stepped into the only form of light in the whole room to show that he was not really a man. He was a beast with four horns and two tails. He was also wearing blue and red glasses.

Aradia was horrified by his appearance. She looked away for a moment, but then stood up and gave up her freedom. The beast released the lusus as the girl cried. They didn't even get to say goodbye. The beast sent the lusus off to the village in a spider carriage.

Afterwards, he felt bad about the incident. He led her to a more comfortable room in return for the heartbreaking moment. When they got there, Aradia could hear a whisper. Who else was here?

The beast then commanded, "You will join me for dinner. That's not a request!" He slammed the door behind her. She never felt so helpless in her life.

Later on after she cried for a while, a knock was at the door. Aradia opened the door to find no one was there. However, she heard a voice that said, "Look down!" She did, and saw a teapot and a teacup. They were alive!

"How could you-"She backed up into a dresser her told her to watch out! Aradia was so freaked out by this, but eventually got over it. The teapot introduced herself and her friend.

"Hey, I'm Terezi! Can I lick you?" Aradia got a little more freaked out by this.

"Why do you want to lick me?" She inquired, because it is so odd to have a teapot ask you if they can lick you. It really is.

"I wanna know what you taste like of course!" The teacup explained to Aradia how Terezi is blind and uses her other senses to do certain tasks. This is probably why she wears tiny red glasses. He went on to say his name is Tavros. His handles were like bull horns and there was a little chip on his rim. It was weirdly adorable.

They went on to serve Aradia tea, and they all talked about how brave she was. Kanaya, the dresser, was very shocked about the whole event. Just as they finished the conversation, a clock stepped in. He looked very annoyed.

"Dinner is fucking served." He left without saying anything else. What more needed to be said anyways? Terezi and Tavros left her room while Kanaya searched for a dress Aradia could wear to dinner. However, Aradia wasn't hungry.

"But you must go to dinner with the master!" Only the long lasting residents of this place really knew what she was in for if she didn't go down to dinner and disobey the master.

Meanwhile, the beast paced anxiously. He was getting impatient. Terezi was giving her master a lesson about winning over a girl's affections while a candle holder with really long horns (respectively with candles on top) named Gamzee was calming him down. His attempts failed when the clock with nubby horns come in.

"Hey master." He was a simple guy, wasn't he?

"Well? Where is she?" the beast asked.

"Well, she didn't look very prepared to me, so she may be getting ready. However, I am more than certain that she isn't fucking coming down to eat a gog damn meal with you."

"WHAT?" He ran towards the staircase as Terezi and Gamzee chased him. The clock just stood right where he was. He hated all this drama anyways.

The beast reached Aradia's room and banged vigorously on the door. "OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Master," Gamzee said, "I may be mothefucking wrong, but I don't think that's how you get her love." Terezi chimed in saying, "He's right. Ask politely!"

"Will you come down to dinner… Please?" He got a quick response of "No."

"YOU CAN'T JUST STAY IN THERE!"

"Yes I can!"

"Fine, then go ahead and STARVE!" He turned to his servants and demanded that she won't eat unless it's with him. He stormed out of the hall.

"Gamzee," said Terezi, "guard the door. If she comes out, let us know."

"You got it, motherfucker!"

A long time later, Aradia opened the door slightly and then went out to search the castle. Gamzee was no longer there. He was talking to a broom maid named Feferi. He was always a social guy. However, he noticed Aradia was leaving. He left as well to go see what she was doing.

Aradia found the kitchen area and noticed Terezi and the clock guy was in there. The clock went up to Aradia and introduced himself.

"Hey, my name is Karkat, fuckass." He was immediately pushed away by Gamzee, who decided to give Aradia's hand a kiss. "And that's Gamzee…" Karkat groaned.

Despite the beast and Karkat's demands, Terezi and Gamzee fed Aradia in the most entertaining way. Being too impatient, Karkat told Aradia to go to sleep.

"Why do I have to sleep now? I want to explore! This is the first time I've been in an enchanted castle after all!" Aradia was truly hyper now, and Karkat was very annoyed by it. However, they eventually went on a tour. During the tour, Aradia tried to go up a staircase. Gamzee and Karkat blocked her from doing so.

"Where does this lead to?" Aradia asked politely. Karkat just stood there, blocking her. Gamzee wasn't smart while being filled with spoor pie, so he said, "The west wing the motherfucking master told us to stay the hell away from." Karkat did the facepalm combo x2 when he said this.

"So that's the west wing!" She exclaimed, and tried going up again. They were still blocking her.

"Nice going, genius!" Karkat snapped, and he hit Gamzee on the back of the head.

"Hey, I'm sorry motherfucker. How about we try to detour her somewhere else? Like the ballroom, or the gallery. Maybe the library-"

"You have a library?" Aradia was all excited now. Karkat and Gamzee just looked at each other as if it were a miracle. Karkat then stated, "Yes, we have a gog damn library. Why would you wanna see that?"

"I love books!" Aradia stated simply. Gamzee and Karkat then went off to the library, not knowing Aradia wasn't behind them anymore.

Aradia then snuck off to the west wing. The hall was so messy. It's like a tornado went through here! Paintings were ruined and statues laid on the ground in pieces.

She opened the door at the end of the hall to find a very messy room. There was a painting of someone scratched up in the corner. He looked as if he was a low blood because of the way he blushed, but his clothes were of royalty. There were broken chairs and other things as well. However, what got Aradia's attention the most was the glowing rose in a glass case. She lifted the case and was about to touch the rose. She was then stopped by the beast himself. He screamed at her to get out and she ran for her life. To the front doors she went, and as she left, Aradia said to Gamzee and Karkat, "promise or no promise, I can't stay her another minute!" And she shut the doors behind her.

She rode her muscle beast into the forest and was spotted by a few wolves. They chased her and the muscle beast until they got stuck by a nearby tree branch. The reigns were tied up and Aradia couldn't untie it before the wolves caught up to her and the muscle beast. Aradia tried to defend herself with a stick, but it was no use. All of a sudden, someone attacked the wolves. It was the beast! He scratched and clawed at the wolves until they all ran away of terror.

After the battle, the beast felt too dizzy to stand. He fell into the snow. Mustard colored blood dripped from his arm. Aradia was shocked to see that the beast would defend her like that, even if it meant risking his own life.

Later on, Aradia helped the beast with his wounds. As she put the warm water on it, he howled and yelled at her, "THAT HURT!"

"Maybe if you would hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much!"

"Maybe if you hadn't run away, this wouldn't have happened in the first place!"

"If you hadn't frightened me I wouldn't have run away!" The beast paused at this, and then went on to say, "If you hadn't been in the west wing, I wouldn't have frightened you!"

"Well you need to control your temper!" That stopped everyone from what they were doing, if they weren't already listening to the beast and Aradia fight. Things settled down, and then Aradia thanked the beast for saving her life.

The beast replied, "You're welcome."

A bond was forming between the two. It was overwhelming for the both of them. It was especially overwhelming for the beast, who needed to gain her affection in order to break the spell. He needed to get her something, but what? Gamzee mentioned that Aradia was interested in books. He could get her a book. But why stop there? The beast wanted to give her something big, so he gave her the whole library. She was so fascinated by the mounds of books that she could probably never read them all in a lifetime. She loved it.

Back at the village, Equius heard Aradia's lusus saying all this weird crap about a castle and a beast who has Aradia captive to the waitress, Vriska. She just told the lusus that it's all in her head, but Equius used this to his advantage. He met up with Eridan, the Asylum Keeper. He was creepy, but Eridan was more than helpful in the plan.

"So why am I here?" asked Eridan.

"We need a favor." Equius said.

"Yeah, well whatever. If you need something, don't ask a sea-dweller for any help unless you can give something in return." Eridan was hard to please, seeing as he hates land dwellers despite the fact that he spends most of his life on land. Equius threw a bag of money on the table. "Ok, you got my attention." He took out a gold coin and rolled it around in his hands.

"Nepeta then stated, Equius got rejected by Aradia the other day and now we have a plan to force Aradia to marry him!" Eridan stared at them, then said, "You do realize I'm terrible at romance, right?" he really was. Eridan was the most hopeless guy in the world.

"This isn't why we are here. We are here because her lusus is not that sane, and maybe if I can threaten her with going to the nut house, Aradia will have to say yes to marrying me over losing her crazy lusus!"

"That is despicable for the think pan of a landweller," said Eridan, "I love it!" He laughed in an evil manner and then went with Equius and Nepeta to find Aradia and her lusus.

No one was there. Nepeta was told to wait at Aradia's hive until she came back. It was cold, but Nepeta had no problem helping out Equius.

Later on in the winter season, the beast planned a special party for the two of them so he could say how he felt about Aradia. As the night went on, he noticed the girl he loved was distracted. He asked what was wrong. She worried about her lusus, and wished she could see her again. The beast said that there is a way.

His glasses showed the timeline of anyone you wished to see. He let Aradia use the glasses. As he took them off, she noticed the beast's eyes were of the same colors as the glasses. Aradia asked for her lusus, and up came a picture of her current day lusus trying to look for her in the forest. She was getting sick.

"Beast, she may be dying, and I can't go out to save her!" She was about to cry, when suddenly she was told to go to her lusus. "What?" she asked.

"You're free. You're no longer my prisoner." The beast said in a depressed voice.

"Thank you!" She hugged the beast and was about to walk away with his glasses. She tried giving it back to him, but he told her to keep it.

"It's a way to remember me." He said as he put his fingers through her beautiful black hair. As Aradia left the castle, the beast howled at the dark night sky. Aradia went into the forest and found her lusus lying on the ground.

Aradia took care of her lusus back at the hive. They were so glad to see each other. Then Tavros came out from the sack Aradia carried.

"Aradia, why did you leave? Do you like us anymore?" he asked.

"Tavros, I-"she was interrupted by the knocking on the front door and the sound of a lot of people outside. Aradia opened the door to find Eridan standing outside. He asked for her lusus. The whole village stood with torches and pitch forks.

Aradia kept on trying to convince everyone that her lusus wasn't crazy. She then got the offer to marry Equius instead of losing her lusus. Despite her lusus being pushed into a carriage, she said no to Equius the second time.

Aradia quickly got the glasses and shouted, I can prove to you that my lusus isn't crazy and the beast it real! Show me the beast!" She turned the glasses around so everyone could crowd around them and see in the lenses the beast. Aradia tried to reassure everyone that the beast was kind, but Equius gave the villagers the opposite idea. They trusted him.

Equius became jealous of the beast. He could see that Aradia had fallen for the beast instead of him. In return, he locked Aradia and her lusus in the cellar and lead the villagers to the castle. Aradia tried to escape, but there was no way. Then, the cellar exit finally opened when Tavros made the door collapse. How did he do that? He's only a cup!

No time for questions! They needed to save the beast. Aradia quickly got to the castle and tried to rescue the beast from Equius. Meanwhile, the villagers attacked the animated objects as they attacked them as well. One villager got trapped in Kanaya, and popped out with an embarrassing ensemble. Another got eaten by a chest. Then there was one trying to melt Gamzee into a candle puddle. Karkat got distracted from his shenanigans and noticed Gamzee. He couldn't leave him like that, despite the fact that he was annoying. Karkat heroically jumped at the villager with his scythe and stuck it right through his head. The torch he had went out in all the commotion.

The muscle beast got to the castle in no time. However, it was too late. By the time Aradia got where the beast was, Equius shot him. Aradia pulled the beast up just as Equius ironically loses his balance. He fell off the tower into what seems like a bottomless pit.

"Oh no! This is my entire fault!" said Aradia. She kept telling the beast he was going to be alright, but they both knew he wasn't.

"Maybe it's better this way." The beast said.

"Don't say that!" She could see it in his eyes, he was going to die.

"I'm glad I got to see you one last time." He smiled, but then quickly fell into eternal sleep. Aradia couldn't believe it. He was gone. After all he has done for her, she let him die because of her mistakes.

"No, don't leave me! Please!" She hugged his dead body close to her and whispered, "I love you."

The last petal fell, and everyone felt hopeless. Light then played its part. It struck down on the world like sparks. Aradia moved away as the beast's body rose up from the ground. He was changing. His paws turned to hands and feet. His fur was gone and in return it showed that his natural skin was gray. His hair turned into the traditional black. He was turning into a teenage troll. Aradia couldn't believe this. All this time, the beast was really a troll! That explained the different colored blood. He came to life and went over to Aradia.

"Hey, it's me!" Aradia had to check first. She looked into his blue and red eyes, and was certain it was him. They looked at each other passionately, and they kissed. The power of this kiss started fireworks, and the sparkles from them spread throughout the castle. Everything was turning from dark and creepy to light and beautiful. Terezi turned into a lady troll with red eyes. Karkat did the same, but his eyes were traditional yellow, and he was of course a guy. His partner in crime, Gamzee, became a messy haired troll with white face makeup and polka dotted pants. And as for Tavros, he turned into a little boy with a Mohawk and a pair of big horns, like the handles he used to have. And as for Feferi, she turned into this beautiful empress. Kanaya wasn't a dresser anymore, but she did know how to dress! The spell was officially broken. Everyone was back to normal!

"It's a motherfucking miracle!" screamed Gamzee. Karkat went on to say, "You know what? You're actually right."

Aradia then asked, "By the way, I never got to call you by your proper name. What is it?"

"My name is Sollux." He said in a lisp. She giggled and kissed him again. They then danced in the ballroom while everyone in the castle watched.

And so marks the end of the story. It was truly unexpected to go this way. If there were a moral to this story, it would be (in Aradia's favorite way) "Do not judge a book by its cover."


End file.
